I realise that turning thirty is hardly ‘mid life’. But it is one of those birthdays that make you have a bit of a look at your life and how its played out so far.
I am now officially 13 days shy of reaching this insignificant milestone and as I write this post I wonder where its all heading. Now Im never one to get to deep and meaningful about things so as my brain does begin to wander down the path of recalling my twenties I stop it with some forced banter about how 30 is the new 21, or some stupid little rhymes like ‘dirty thirty’ (Which by the way seems to have no meaning what so ever…).
It may just be the fact that my daughter is now only 7.5 years off turning 18 and I are nearing 12 years since enjoying that milestone but I decided I needed some commandments written so I know how to behave post 30.
From Lad to Dads 10 commandments for life after 30:
- Thou shalt not go nightclubbing alone.
A simple rule. A pub is fine, in fact going to the pub alone is encouraged. But if you are older then the bouncer at the door of a nightclub you shall not enter unless you are in a group of other people (which somehow spreads the creepiness factor out).
- Thou shall choose beer over protein shakes.
There is nothing weirder then those old guys that are body builders. You know the ones. They are covered in fake tan / baby oil, muscles and of course wrinkles. My opinion, your metabolism has gone for a reason time to give up on the protein dream and start working on your beer gut.
- Thou shall not pursue ‘swag’
Swag is the latest way douche bags try to claim there shitty existence is ‘cool’. The pants around there knees, hat sideways kind of shit, “I’m fullaswag” “I dontgiveafuq gotsswag”. Now no one on earth should be chasing this make believe idea of achieved greatness, but after reaching 30 it is extra important. If by this age you haven’t realised what your doing is the reason your still single then ya swag aint shit.
- Thou shall not drive a convertible.
Unless your rich and can afford a luxury styled convertible like a Mercedes or something which is fine. But your shitty little MR2 with the soft top is nothing but fucking creepy.
- Thy shall honor there wife.
OK, a little bit cute this one. But you aint 21 anymore and you certainly don’t look as good as you once did. You may still think you do but you don’t. Best to realise that in 95% of the cases your wife is probably the only person around that will put up with your shit.
- Thou shall worry about boring things.
Life and health insurance, mortgage / loan payments, whats on channel one tonight… All that kinda stuff becomes important after 30. As boring as anything, but strangely important.
- Thou shall own something their proud of.
A boat, a house, a dog. Anything really, just find something you can be proud of and get into it.
- Thou shall drink cup o teas before bed.
Its an odd rule, and maybe not everyone follows it. But as I race towards 30 cup o teas seem strangely relaxing…
- Thou shall not envy people in their twenties.
Especially the ones that are doing better then thou. Good on them, they got their shit together before you did. Congratulate them, or whatever just don’t envy them. Just remember its not their problem you weren’t as disciplined as them, you had your shot at success in your twenties get on with it now.
- Thou shall not act like your 18.
Think of something you would have done when you were 18 and then don’t do it. Your a fucking adult now, its simple really.